If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
