im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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