Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
