I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
