so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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