i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
