I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
