thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
