I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize