So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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