Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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