girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
