The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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