There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
