he puts the penis in happiness.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
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Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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