Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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