The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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