I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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