Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
