I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
