I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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