im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
