Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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