How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If I die, sorry about rent.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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