Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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