I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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