Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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