According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize