Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I need to calm my uterus...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize