Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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