my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
whose parrot is this?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
