Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.