you turned your livingroom into a bong?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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