at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?