You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
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It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.