i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
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This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
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I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.