It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet