Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.