I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
