thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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