At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
