I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
