Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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