Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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