Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
