What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
