I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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