So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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