duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
