so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
