he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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