Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
