Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
