i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize