I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
