Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
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Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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