Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
