The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
