theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
