Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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