My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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