you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
