She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
