insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
