the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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