I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to calm my uterus...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize