That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
