Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
