I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
