MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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