We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
