My underwear smells like fireworks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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