Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
