I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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