You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
