So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
