I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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