I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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