Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
