I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize