From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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