I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
