How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
try to milk me bitch
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
