Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
