he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
